Sparkling Pink Lemonade — With Vodka

posted in: Cocktails | 0

sparkling pink lemonade with vodkaSpring is almost over. I mean, in like a month, but I’m going to miss it because I really fucking hate summer with its under-boob sweat, asshole mosquitoes, and blazing death sun. And while we still have a few weeks until the official switch, it is almost Memorial Day —which doesn’t technically mark the change of seasons, but it’s definitely when people start wearing flip flops like they’re actual shoes or something.

Anyway, I’m going to enjoy spring while I still can which means — yes — more rhubarb! This time, I put it in a sparkling pink lemonade. But it’s not, like, that fucking corn-syrup lemonade you buy in the store. It’s fresh-squeezed lemon juice and club soda. The sweetness comes from rhubarb syrup. Remember that stuff? I posted the recipe here. And here. And here. AND here. But I’ll post it again down below because I’m a fucking nice person who understands that you’re busy and you probably don’t have all damn day to click all over the internet.

In addition to making the lemonade sweet, the rhubarb syrup makes it pink. And I hear that’s all the rage these days. Of course, this drink is not super sweet, because that’s not my jam. If you’re not into sassy little tart drinks, you can always add more rhubarb syrup.

This is also one of the rare drinks I make with vodka. It just seemed appropriate, and as far as booze other than whiskey and gin go, vodka isn’t too offensive. (But next week, you’re totally getting a super-cool whiskey lemonade.)

Sparkling Pink Lemonade


2 ounces vodka
1 ounce fresh-squeezed lemon juice
1.5 ounces rhubarb syrup
Club soda
Mint sprig for garnish


Add the vodka, lemon juice, and rhubarb syrup to an old-fashioned or stemless wine glass. Mix well then add a handful of ice. Top off with club soda, garnish with a mint sprig, and enjoy.


Yield: 2 cups


5-6 cups rhubarb, cut into ½-inch pieces
2 cups sugar
2 cups water
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
Pinch cinnamon
Pinch cardamom


Add the rhubarb, sugar, and water to a medium-size pot over medium to high heat, stirring occasionally. Once it reaches a boil, reduce the heat to a simmer, and add the vinegar, cinnamon and cardamom. Stir, then let the mixture simmer for at least 30 minutes, or up to an hour. The longer it simmers the more syrupy it will become.

Strain into a bottle or mason jar and let it cool to room temperature, then seal and refrigerate. This will keep in the fridge for weeks.

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Mama Wants Gin for Mother’s Day

posted in: Cocktails, Holidays, Mother's Day | 0

mother's day cocktail ginLook, I’m a mom. And you know what I don’t want for Mother’s Day? Fucking flowers. Maybe I’m a weirdo, but here’s how I see it: Not only are flowers expensive — and always way overpriced on holidays like Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day — they’re definitely going to die and probably going to give me a headache because I’m allergic to pretty much everything. And you know who will have to clean up the pollen and fallen petals and water that smells like dead Swamp Thing in a week? Me. I’d rather have a sturdy plant.

Except what I really want for Mother’s Day is to be transported back to the bathtub in the Four Seasons my husband and I stayed in a few years ago (only because we had a friend who worked there and he gave us the broken, haunted-ass room at a discount). The tub was, like, six feet long and it didn’t hurt my neck and there was a fucking TV embedded in the bathroom mirror (because apparently when you’re rich, you live in the future). I want to be in that bathtub, all alone, all day. But I don’t really want to be alone, because I want Olivia Pope and her Gladiators (or something equally mindless) on that TV and I also want someone (who won’t talk to me or ask me for anything) to bring me cocktails. And probably a big glass of ice water with lemon in between each drink because when I sleep all alone in my imaginary Four Seasons king-size bed with clean sheets and freshly shaved legs I want to enjoy my 12-hour slumber and not wake up all hot and sweaty and half drunk/half hungover in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep. Because that is the fucking worst — at least when you have a very young child.

But I’m a realist. I’m probably not getting my own room at the Four Seasons (though, let’s be honest, I’d take a night alone at a god-damn Motel 6 at this point) and my husband has yet to make any brunch reservations (which is probably a good thing). If I’m lucky, I might get an hour alone on Mother’s Day to wander aimlessly in a TJ Maxx or West Elm, and after my kid goes to bed I’ll likely sneak a soak in my small, shitty tub surrounded by rubber duckies and hope that my wonderful spouse has the good sense to use the downstairs bathroom should he need to relieve himself during my me time.

mother's day cocktail ginStill, even though the conditions are less than ideal, you can bet your flower-loving ass I’m going to drink cocktails in the bathtub on Sunday. Specifically the Mother’s Little Helper, a refreshing gin-based drink. It’s sort of like getting flowers because it’s made with St. Germain elderflower liqueur (which is flowery as fuck, but in a good way) and Hendrick’s gin (known for its cucumber and flowery notes). But it’s so much better than flowers. Especially when consumed in solitude.

mother's day cocktail ginOf course, it would be just as good during brunch with your lovely family, even if there are actual overpriced flowers involved.

Mother’s Little Helper


2 ounces Hendrick’s Gin
1 ounce St. Germain Elderflower Liqueur
1 ounce fresh-squeezed lime juice
1/2 ounce simple syrup
Club soda
Lime wheel (or a fucking flower) for garnish


Add the gin, elderflower liqueur, lime juice, and simple syrup to an old fashioned or stemless wine glass. Stir well, then add a handful of ice. Top it off with club soda and garnish with whatever pretty little thing you want to put on it.

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Mother’s Day Crafts + Cocktails at Urban Provisions

diy earrings festive as fuck emily farris urban provisions events kansas city

Sunday I hosted my second Crafts + Cocktails event at Urban Provisions in Kansas City’s East Bottoms. This one was officially the Mother’s Day edition — but really just an excuse to drink and get crafty — and we made ridiculously cute earrings and sipped on Ginger and Juice.
diy earrings festive as fuck emily farris urban provisions events kansas city

diy earrings festive as fuck emily farris urban provisions events kansas city

Unlike my first event, which was ticketed, for this one we set up six crafting stations and let people come and go as they pleased. Thank the sweet baby Flying Spaghetti Monster it worked out perfectly and everyone was able to get their craft — and cocktail — on. Even better, I didn’t have to hard-boil 420 fucking eggs like I did for the last event.

diy earrings festive as fuck emily farris urban provisions events kansas city

diy earrings festive as fuck emily farris urban provisions events kansas city

diy earrings festive as fuck emily farris urban provisions events kansas city

diy earrings festive as fuck emily farris urban provisions events kansas city

diy earrings festive as fuck emily farris urban provisions events kansas city

 diy earrings festive as fuck emily farris urban provisions events kansas city

diy earrings festive as fuck emily farris urban provisions events kansas city

diy earrings festive as fuck emily farris urban provisions events kansas city

diy earrings festive as fuck emily farris urban provisions events kansas city

diy earrings festive as fuck emily farris urban provisions events kansas cityAnd of course, I hopped in and made a pair for our lovely hostess, Savannah, who owns Urban Provisions.

diy earrings festive as fuck emily farris urban provisions events kansas cityI mean, I felt like I owed her something after she came up with this fucking amazing gift wrap. Yep, that’s a real air plant on there. diy earrings festive as fuck emily farris urban provisions events kansas city

diy earrings festive as fuck emily farris urban provisions events kansas cityFollow me on Instagram to learn about upcoming events (which, someday, will also happen outside of Kansas City).

Sippin’ on Ginger and Juice

posted in: Cocktails, Events, Mother's Day | 0

ginger and juice cocktail kc canning company shrubAlong with the launch of this here blog in March, I started a festive as fuck event series called Crafts + Cocktails. The name pretty much explains it all, but basically, I pick a theme (usually around a holiday) then invite people to come together and get their craft on while they drink cocktails. It’s festive and fun, and while I’m only doing it in Kansas City for now, I do hope to expand to other cities soon.

On Sunday, I hosted the second event at Urban Provisions, a super-cool little shop in Kansas City’s East Bottoms. For this Mother’s Day edition of Crafts + Cocktails we made earrings and sipped on Ginger and Juice, a sweet, tart cocktail I made with Kansas City Canning Company’s Blood Orange Ginger Shrub (if that sounds familiar, maybe it’s because you saw them featured in Bon Appetit recently?), J. Rieger & Co.’s Midwestern Dry Gin, and a homemade basil-infused simple syrup. I promise to post pictures from the event very soon, but for now, I wanted to share the recipe with you. Because it’s good. Really good.

Ginger and Juice


2 ounces gin
3 ounces Kansas City Canning Co. Blood Orange Ginger Shrub
1 ounce basil simple syrup
Club soda
Fresh basil for garnish (optional)


Add the gin, shrub, and syrup to a Collins glass. Stir and add a handful of ice. Top off with club soda, give it another little stir, and garnish with basil, if using.

basil simple syrup ginger and juice cocktail kc canning company shrubAlso, I’d originally intended to make this recipe with rosemary simple syrup and a rosemary garnish, then decided that it wasn’t summery enough and that basil is better with ginger than rosemary. So, if you’re here by way of the first round of recipe cards I left at Urban Provisions, just ignore the part about garnishing with rosemary (OOPS!) and garnish the damn thing with basil! Or rosemary if you’re feeling adventurous. Or nothing. I mean, whatever you do, if you’ve made it this far, it’s not gonna be bad.

Basil Simple Syrup

To make the basil simple syrup, combine 1 cup sugar, 1 cup water, and 1 cup fairly loosely packed basil leaves (some stems are fine, too) in a saucepan over medium heat. Bring it to a boil then reduce the heat to low to simmer for 10-15 minutes, until the sugar is dissolved and your entire house smells like amazing summery basil. Remove the pan from the heat and let it steep for another 15 to 30 minutes. Strain using a fine mesh sieve and discard the basil, then set aside or refrigerate the syrup to cool. This will make about 1 cup and the extra will keep in a sealed jar in the fridge for at least to two weeks.

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A Pitcher of Beer Margaritas for a Very American Cinco de Mayo

posted in: Cinco de Mayo, Cocktails, Holidays | 1

beer margarita recipe cinco de mayoMargaritas are like baskets of chips and salsa at a Mexican restaurant — you can’t have just one. That’s why when I make margaritas, I make them by the pitcher.

Now, you’re probably already wondering, “How on earth do you squeeze so many limes? It would take forever to fill a pitcher!”

Well… I know I’m usually all, “Don’t be an asshole; take 30 seconds to squeeze some fresh juice out of a citrus fruit for your goddamn cocktail, you monster!” But I must admit, this drink is my one exception to my self-imposed fresh-citrus-juice rule. That’s in part because it’s a family recipe, handed down to me by my late Aunt Susie, which I’m sure came from someone else (possibly the Sweet Potato Queens, but I have yet to confirm the original source). It’s also just really good, even though you’re going to laugh at the ingredients.

Ready to learn what they are?

Are you sure?

Are you really, really sure?

Okay, here goes…

beer margarita cinco de mayo ingredients

Yes. That’s Pacifico (but it was Corona in my aunt’s version, so I’ve classed it up a bit), Fresca, tequila, and a can of frozen limeade concentrate. And yes, everyone makes fun of this margarita recipe. Until they try it, anyway. Then they usually can’t get enough of it — which is a good thing considering it makes 48 ounces of sweet, tart, boozy goodness.

If you need Cinco de Mayo as an excuse to get wasted on margaritas and eat too many tacos, this is for you. (Though I don’t know why you would ever need an excuse to do those things; I do them, like, every week.) It’s the perfect way to wash down your Spicy Triple Double Crunch Wrap (not judging) or bland cheese enchiladas (okay, maybe judging a little) on Friday.

Seriously, though, do you really even know what Cinco de Mayo commemorates without looking it up on Wikipedia? Still not judging; just trying to prove that this pitcher of very delicious but incredibly inauthentic margaritas is pretty appropriate for Americans’ appropriation of a Mexican holiday celebrating victory over the French at the Battle of Puebla on this day in 1862. (Yeah, I had to look up that little detail on Wikipedia, too.)


Not-Very-Mexican Margarita

This margarita recipe is ridiculously easy because it calls for equal parts everything, and all but the tequila come in a 12-ounce package. I just use the limeade can to measure the tequila, ensuring I get every last drop of artificial limey goodness out of it. Because the limeade concentrate is on the sweet side, these really do benefit from a squeeze of fresh lime juice before serving.


12 ounces (1 bottle) Pacifico or Corona
12 ounces (1 can) Fresca
12 ounces (1 can) frozen limeade concentrate
12 ounces tequila


Add all ingredients to a large pitcher and stir until the frozen limeade is dissolved. Serve over ice in whatever salted or unsalted glasses you prefer, along with a healthy squeeze of fresh lime juice.

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