A Classy-Ass Classic Champagne Cocktail for New Year’s Eve

new year's eve champagne cocktailThere are all kinds of ways to make a super creative, fancy-ass champagne cocktail since “champagne cocktail” is really just a broad term for any cocktail made with champagne. It could include liqueurs, syrups, or fucking unicorn tears. But if I’m being honest (and when am I not?) my favorite is and always has been, and probably will always be, the most well-known version, traditionally made by soaking a sugar cube in bitters, then topping it with champagne. My love for this drink surely has something to do with the fact that I really, really, really love bitters. Seriously — when I was sick over the weekend, all I wanted was lemon La Croix with a shitton of Angostura Bitters. And Sick Me got super mad at Healthy Me for drinking all of my La Croix and sent my poor husband (who actually didn’t get mad at me, at least not for that) out on Christmas day to get more.

Anyway… not only is this drink a great way to say adieu (nay, a giant fuck you!) to 2017, it’s also a fun and pretty way to make shitty bubbly totally palatable. And you already have Angostura Bitters at home, right? RIGHT? (If not, you need to get on that.) But unless you make these on the regular, are my grandma (which I hope you’re not because both of my grandmothers are dead), or are strangely literal about your Bjork fandom, you probably don’t keep sugar cubes in the house. And that’s totally fine. Just use a teaspoon of white granulated sugar (otherwise known as “sugar”) because it’s the same fucking thing — you know, just not in cube form.

new year's eve champagne cocktail

Classic Champagne Cocktail

INGREDIENTS

1 sugar cube (or 1 teaspoon sugar)
4 to 6 dashes Angostura Bitters
Chilled champagne or prosecco
Lemon twist, for garnish

DIRECTIONS

Add the sugar and bitters to the bottom of a champagne flute or coupe glass then swirl the glass a bit so the sugar at least mostly dissolves into the bitters. Top it off with the champagne and garnish with the lemon twist. Enjoy while drinking away the memoy of this disaster of a year.

Like what you see? Follow me on Instagram!

Share this shit:

My Lazy But Brilliant Christmas Tree Cocktail

posted in: Christmas, Cocktails, Holidays | 0

christmas tree cocktailThe first time I tasted a gin and tonic, I immediately thought of a Christmas tree. At the time, it wasn’t a good thing; I was very young, and nowhere close to appreciating the juniper notes in gin — and whatever gin I had was juniper-y as fuck. I eventually grew to love the drink, and it became the inspiration and base for my super-fucking-lazy but also kind of brilliant (if I do say so myself) Christmas Tree cocktail.

Here’s how it all went down: At one of my infamous but now defunct Holiday Hooplas (the Christmas party I held most of the 9 years I lived in Brooklyn, which was way back in the early aughts), I decided to just stick a fucking candy cane in a gin and tonic and call it The Christmas Tree. I was in my early 20s, and broke, and well, not as into making cocktails as I am now. And come on, it was FESTIVE. AS. FUCK.

Well, I’m still festive (as fuck, even), and also very into making cocktails, so now I’m going to give you my fancy-ass description of this very basic drink [turns on fancy-lady voice]: This cocktail — a gin and tonic garnished with a candy cane instead of a lime — celebrates the piney essence of a gin and tonic with a festive pop of peppermint. As you sip it, the candy cane dissolves, lending a refreshing minty flavor where one would typically expect citrus. Yada, yada, I’m so fancy.

Anyway, I’m not going to insult your intelligence with an actual recipe. Make a gin and tonic with the most juinper-y fucking gin you can find. Put a candy cane in it. The end. Merry Christmas. I love you.

Like what you see? Follow me on Instagram!

Share this shit:

A Damn Fine Bourbon Eggnog That Doesn’t Need to Age

posted in: Christmas, Cocktails, Holidays | 2

bourbon eggnog recipeOh, friends. I meant to share this bourbon eggnog recipe with you last week but I accidentally got a little too drunk at my Paper Crafts + Boozy Drafts holiday card making party and just didn’t make it happen. It’s my own fault, really. I almost always put two ounces of base spirit in a cocktail, but I’m not necessarily an expert on beer cocktails, so it was a bit on the strong side. Which is totally fine except due to a little miscommunication, my first round didn’t have any ice or syrup in it, so it was extra strong (basically two ounces of whiskey in a pint of beer — oops). It doesn’t help that I didn’t eat much that day. And then for good measure I also had the cocktail the way it was meant to be served. Hangover aside, the event was super fucking fun and we’re going to do another one for Valentine’s day and now I know a thing or two about how not to make a beer cocktail (the shot in the pint way — the version everyone else got was goddamn perfect, if a wee bit strong.) Anyway, now I’m fully recovered and finally sharing with you my new take on an old school boozy eggnog.

bourbon eggnog recipe
Photo by Grace Pritchett

By definition, eggnog is simply a blend of milk or cream, eggs, sugar, nutmeg, and liquor. Of course, if you ask a contemporary cocktail connoisseur, they’re likely tell you that a homemade eggnog needs to age. While there’s nothing wrong with aging it, I tend to disagree. Mostly because I’m really fucking bad at planning ahead, but also because a quick eggnog can be just as good (especially if you put fancy vanilla extract in it). In fact, it’s really similar to a classic flip, a raw-egg-based drink that dates back more than 150 years.

In his 1862 book, How to Mix Drinks (which was alternately titled Bar-Tender’s Guide and The Bon-Vivant’s Companion — because why not give a book three fucking names?), Jerry Thomas, largely regarded as “the father of American mixology,” offered this recipe (if you can even call it that) for making an egg flip:

“Beat up, in a jug, four new-laid eggs, omitting two of the whites; add a half dozen large lumps of sugar, and rub these well in the eggs, pour in boiling water, about half a pint at a time, and when the jug is nearly full, throw in two tumblers of Cognac brandy, and one of old Jamaica rum.”

Say what? Can someone please mansplain that for me? The book that has three names can’t give me a jug size or a measurement beyond “large lumps?” I mean, that sounds like total fucking nonsense, right? Right. At least to my Millennial (er, Xennial) brain. But don’t worry, I don’t need a mansplainer. Taking inspiration from old Jerry and his jugs and lumps and new-laid eggs, as well as newer eggnog recipes, I managed to simplify the process and adjusted the ingredients and proportions for more modern times. And then I added that really good vanilla.

bourbon eggnog recipe
This here is a half batch. Don’t be fooled. Photo by Grace Pritchett

Instead of beating shit up in a jug with a half-dozen large lumps of sugar, I use an immersion blender and two tablespoons of sugar. And instead of making a jugful (whatever that means), this recipe makes a big-ass mason jarful (about 24 ounces). I also replaced the cognac and rum with bourbon. Of course, a little nip of cognac certainly wouldn’t hurt this drink, so if you happen to have a bottle collecting dust in your liquor cabinet, by all means, pour that shit on in. Tis the season, right? 

Based purely on my own paranoia — which I feel is totally justified considering there are raw eggs in this drink, I can’t fucking afford to get sued — I’m very comfortable saying this will keep in the refrigerator for up to 24 hours. That said, alcohol is a mighty fine preservative, so it would likely last longer than that. (If you can manage not to drink it all in a day, please do let me know at what point this shit starts to get funky. It’s never lasted that long at my house.)

A Fresh Bourbon Eggnog Recipe

Serves 3 to 4

INGREDIENTS
2 large brown eggs
2 cups milk, half and half, or heavy cream
2 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
½ teaspoon freshly-grated nutmeg, plus more for garnish
4 ounces bourbon

DIRECTIONS
Add the egg, milk, sugar, vanilla, and ½ teaspoon nutmeg to a blender or wide-mouth quart-size mason jar. Blend well (with an immersion blender if you’re using the mason jar), until all of the ingredients are well incorporated and the mixture begins to foam. Add the bourbon and blend again for at least 30 seconds. Serve immediately by pouring into a mug or large stemmed glass, or refrigerate for up to 24 hours. Garnish with freshly grated nutmeg just before serving.

Like what you see? Follow me on Instagram!

Share this shit:

More Festive Shit You Can Actually Make: Gold String Lights

posted in: Christmas, Crafts, Holidays | 0

string lights with a gold cordWhy the fuck are all the string light cord options green, white, and black? I’m over it. I mean, not ALL string lights go on trees or hang outside in the dark. Don’t Christmas light cord manufacturers look at fucking Pinterest? Well, they don’t know that all us bitches want everything to be shiny and brass and gold, but I do. And if you want some fucking string lights with a gold cord, you need this DIY. It’s super easy, and makes for a much more festive indoor holiday decoration than boring-ass dark green.

What You’ll Need

For this ridiculously easy project, you’ll need string lights, a little bit of newspaper or paper towel, gold spray paint, and tape. I really like the Krylon Short Cuts for craft projects — they don’t drip or clog and they’re just really fucking easy to use. I use one called Gold Leaf (it’s the same one I used for the smaller one of my DIY “brass” hanging planters).

string lights with a gold cordAs far as lights, I used these cheap-o lights from Target with a randomly sage-ish green cord (they were on clearance, clearly not a popular color, and apparently you can also get them in blue — whyyyyyy?), but you can do this with just about any strand of string lights that has a plastic cord. Use big lights, little lights, white lights, multi-colored lights — you do you. But as you can probably imagine, it’s going to be way easier and a lot less time consuming with a strand of 25 big lights as opposed to 100 tiny lights.
string lights with a gold cordFirst, you’ll want to carefully remove and set aside the bulbs (and I’m serious about the careful part; that shit is fragile). Then stuff paper towel, cotton ball, newspaper, toilet paper, or whatever into the light sockets. Definitely make sure there’s enough paper product in there to cover any of the contact points, but don’t stuff them so full the rim of the socket won’t get spray paint. I also decided to rip the little clips off the outside of the sockets, but you may not need to worry about that with your lights. Or maybe it just wouldn’t bother you; I didn’t want to have to paint in and around the clips since I didn’t really need them.

string lights with a gold cordBefore you start spray painting (or if you forget and get to the end of the strand and remember then — oops!) tape off the actual plug prongs so those doesn’t get sprayed, either. I’m not sure what would happen if the metals from the spray paint got on the plug and then it got plugged into the wall, but I’m fairly certain it would be some Christmas Vacation shit and I don’t really want to find out this year.

string lights with a gold cordThe next step — if you’re not a dumbass like me — would be to change into your painting clothes and shoes so you can efficiently spray paint and probably complete this job with one small can of spray paint. Or, if you decide to stay in your expensive Madewell Jeans and new Tom’s booties and spray very, very inefficiently, you may end up needing about three cans for one string of lights. Up to you, really.
string lights with a gold cordSo, next, you spray the cord and sockets. If you’re dressed appropriately, you can hold it up to make sure you get all the way around and in the nooks and crannies. Or if you’re very inappropriately dressed for spray painting, you can put it down on something, spray from really far away and wait for it to dry on one side before you turn it spray on the other side (and repeat about four times because you really don’t want to mess up those expensive black jeans).
string lights with a gold cordOnce everything is dry, pull out the paper you stuffed up in the guts of those sockets (it’s easy work with tweezers), remove the tape from the plug prongs, carefully replace the bulbs, then plug that shit in so it’s all fucking merry and bright. Seriously, the lights seem a hell of a lot brighter on the gold cord than the drab green one. They look fabulous on my black fireplace, but they’ll also look really nice on your Christmas tree, or wherever the hell you plan to hang them.

Like what you see? Follow me on Instagram!

Share this shit:

Festive Shit You Can Actually Make: Minimalist Eucalyptus Wreath

posted in: Christmas, Crafts, Holidays | 0

DIY eucalyptus wreathOh, hi. Here’s a tutorial for a DIY eucalyptus wreath literally ANYONE can make for the holidays or any damn day. Much like my washi-tape Easter eggs, these likely aren’t instructions you actually need. I mean, you could probably just look at the picture and figure that shit out. That’s exactly what I did, anyway. I was chilling at a holiday styling event (basically a room full of fashionable blondes in tan ankle booties) at Golden & Pine last month, and I spotted these adorable little minimalist hipster fucking wreaths. Then I thought, I could make that shit. And then I thought, I will make that shit. And then I thought, I shall turn that shit it into holiday content. And so I did.

So now you get way too many pictures of a really simple, pretty little DIY, because I finally got someone to take some goddamn pictures of me (but somehow didn’t manage to zip my jeans up all the way). Of course, I haven’t been home with good light to take a final beauty shot, and I’m also making them with pine right now, so I feel like I’m keeping so much from you! I’m planning to switch that shit out by the season, too, so be sure to follow me on Instagram to see all the places I’ll go. With the wreath I mean. I rarely go anywhere but home and work these days. And like I said, I’m never home when the sun is out.

DIY eucalyptus wreathWhat You’ll Need:

Thick brown craft wire (I used this stuff from Michaels)
Thin green or brown craft wire (optional)
Fresh Eucalyptus (I get mine at Trader Joe’s)
Leather cord
Good scissors or wire cutters (or both, but probably wire cutters for the thick wire)

DIY eucalyptus wreathTo start, form a circle with the thick brown craft wire. I went all the way around twice so that shit was nice and sturdy.

DIY eucalyptus wreathNext, affix some eucalyptus to part or all of the circle. I used thin green craft wire to do this, but the thick stuff will work, too, if you don’t have both.

DIY eucalyptus wreathCreate a little hangy-dangy thing with about eight inches of brown leather cord. Tie the two ends together in a knot then loop it around one part of the wreath. (And unlike me, be sure your fucking jeans are zipped up all the way!)Voila. You are done! How fucking easy was that? (Easy. Really, really easy.)

Like what you see? Follow me on Instagram!

Photos by Grace Pritchett 

 

Share this shit:
1 2 3 4 5 6 17